Monday, February 13, 2006

Olympic update: day 4

This is Chialea, bringing you a compressed olympic update of only the american media-darling competitors, complete with soft-focus human-interest stories in which the atheletes clearly wish to deck their media handlers for forcing them into that crap. (Can you tell I've been watching the "edited into a primetime show" Olympics? I seem to remember some time when there existed channels where one could watch entire sporting events, and lots of them. I don't have cable, but I'm guessing this doesn't exist anymore, even on ESPN2. If it weren't for the Tivo and its magic commerical skipping abilities, I don't think I'd be able to watch this olympics-show at all.)

Our competitor got a slow start, only casting on in the second day of competition.
fade to soft-focus... many bored-looking shots of our competitor...
Chialea's fiance came to visit, after spending more than a month apart. This, even though Chialea was not recovering from breast cancer and did not fall into the tree-well of some powdery snow, only to be resued by her unwitting husband. Chialea was clearly pleased at the visit, even though it reduced her ability to focus on the one goal that matters: American Olympic gold metals, which we're trying to fill up our entire show with.
return to shouting commentators who are either breathless because of the cold and altitude here in what we've been calling "Mile High Stadium" (repeat in Italian), or because they don't seem to be constitutionally capable of stopping talking long enough to take a full breath

We were worried about our competitor's focus, but even more so about her injuries. She did not join Team Pittsburgh for practices for the past several days, after a salsa-dancing-related finger injury. Remember, kids: follows don't let leads lead triple-turns by grabbing fingers and twisting. Still, our competitor has moved into the final heat for her event: First Sweater.

She's made a few mistakes, which seem to be preventing her from reaching her true potential: she started the second front backwards, ripping the entire thing back out. Still, she has bravely continued to compete, and she seems to be ahead of schedule, despite her daunting injuries and distraction from Olympic Glory. Her plan: to knit the second front of Zippy, seam most of it together, and block it. This will allow her to order a zipper, hopefully in time to complete her run for Olympic gold, and allow her to decide whether she will knit her sleeves as written. I hear that this American competitor may even compete in several other events during possible breaks from Team Sweater. She has prepared a sock routine, if her materials have not been lost in the mail, and a scarf. That's right, a scarf. This knitter has never knit a scarf, and it's quite cold out. Well, that's all for today's prime-time heavily-edited Olympics show. Now for another word from our sponsors.

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